As we have previously discussed on SnapMunk, there are a number of technology-based solutions out there attempting to help couples stay close even when they are far apart.
One company has developed a wristband paired with an under-the-pillow speaker so that a couple can hear each other’s heart beats à la shaky-water-cup-in-Jurassic-Park. There’s another wrist-based wrap that you can tap to send your partner a vibration and a light signal (kind of like Morse code); there are of course “adult” contraptions out there that allow people to remotely control their lover’s “massager”; and for the more adventurous among us, there is an emerging technology available to the most dedicated of proximity-deprived partners called your smartphone.
What these existing solutions lack however, in addition to their invaluable functionality, is an attractive blend of elegance, practicality and symbolism. What better form to facilitate that foursome of TendernessTech than the ever-popular ring. Businesses are developing smart jewelry that can track your calorie intake and notify you of text messages and upcoming appointments, so why not carve out a ring that provides a vague sense of whether your partner is sitting, sprinting, humping or worried about losing stuff at the beach / deceased. That’s right: a heartbeat ring.
The Touch is now taking pre-orders for their HB Ring. Being billed as “the most sophisticated ring in the world” (take that Hobbit dorks), the Heartbeat Ring is a piece of smart jewelry that connects to an app and allows you and your partner—both wearing an app-connected ring—to feel each other’s heartbeat in real time. The ring leverages technology, both embedded in its body and built into the smartphone app, to sense, send and replicate the throbbing of a heart rhythm. You just buy the ring, wear the ring, pair the ring with the app, and then pair your account with your partner’s account. Voila: you’re a stalker with an arrhythmia fetish.
The heartbeat ring is sold in pairs, though I’d like to suggest a “Parasocial Pairing” option through which single buyers can pay to install and track the digitally reproduced heartbeats of their favorite cardiovascular celebrities—like Lance Armstrong, Dick Cheney, and Elvis (think of the branding opportunities and promotional dollars!).
The stainless steel version of the “virtually unscratchable” sapphire-surfaced heartbeat ring will run you $600 for a pair, while the Rose Gold version is selling at $3,000 for two. They each come with a luxurious charger box and a 2 and 10 year warranty, respectively. The rings can run for 14 consecutive hours before needing a charge (160 on standby if you just want to wear the thing without actively tracking a heartbeat).
HOLY SHIT, YOU CAN EVEN WEAR IT WHILE YOU’RE EATING ICE CREAM (alone):
With pre-orders being taken now, the rings are scheduled to ship in November for the Rose Gold model, while the stainless steel are planning to make their first hundred deliveries in December—just in time for engagement season. Between this, Facetime and egregious adultery, the question will be: do you ever need to actually be together? I mean, come on: IT’S A DIGITAL PULSE THAT REPLICATES THEIR HEARTBEAT ON YOUR FINGER WITH A SLIGHT DELAY, AS LONG AS THEIR RING IS CHARGED AND TURNED ON AND THEIR PHONE HAS A DATA CONNECTION. You might as well be breathing into each other’s mouths. If this doesn’t save the long-distance relationship, who knows what will.
Ben is a Toronto-based writer and public speaker with more than a soft spot for 90s hip hop. He has spent over 10 years in business & tech, more than 20 in the arts, and an entire lifetime in a state of perpetual judgment (highly recommended). He is the author of the blogs This Is Your Brain on Dating and Love Gone Cray and can be found pontificating on Thought Catalog, Notable.ca, The Toronto Standard, Offline Magazine, Gasm.org and Huffington Post.
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