From: Scooter Reston, CEO <[email protected]>
To: All Team <[email protected]>
Subject: Status
Date: May 13, 2016
Hi Team,
Just a few items to cover in today’s status:
-We’re starting production on Project Raven today. We have an aggressive development schedule so all teams need to review our benchmarks and allocate resources appropriately. We have a firm commitment to our investment partners to not miss our estimated ship date this time.
-If you feel your part of the project is slipping, please work with your direct-report manager sooner than later to allocate extra resources or reduce scale.
-Please also allocate time to attend the Project Seagull postmortem. The postmortem meeting allows us to identify pain points in our completed development cycles so that we can add additional resources to aid in future cycles.
-Please welcome Gabrielle, our new intern. Gabrielle is a CS major from Sarah Lawrence and will be spending the summer with us learning the ins and outs of software development. Please take a moment to welcome her and share your role, your career path, and some of your day to day. She’ll be rotating between all teams as the summer goes on, taking on small tasks to help get Project Raven out the door. Be careful not to overwhelm her! Remember, she’s getting paid in free lunches and experience—you’re getting paid to develop software.
-There’s catered lunch today from Peter, Paul & Dairy. Please save the cheese-free dishes for our vegan employees.
Thanks,
Scooter Reston
CEO
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From: Scooter Reston, CEO <[email protected]>
To: All Team <[email protected]>
Subject: RE: Status
Date: May 21, 2016
Hi Team,
A few things to go over:
1. Per last week’s Project Seagull postmortem we identified the following opportunities for process improvement:
- Filling open reqs in a timely manner with quality, experienced candidates
- Incentivizing an accelerated development schedule with off-cycle bonuses
- Sharing and accepting work outside your silo
2. Gabrielle will begin working with our engineering teams, helping to code some of Project Raven. Please make sure she has all the support she needs. Remember, everybody has to start somewhere!
3. Today’s catered lunch is from Reasonable Trout. There is a vegan option. We’ll also restock our Soylent supply by noon.
Thanks,
Scooter Reston
CEO
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From: Scooter Reston, CEO <[email protected]>
To: All Team <[email protected]>
Subject: RE: RE: Status
Date: May 28, 2016
Hi Team,
Coupla points to address:
-We’ve gotten a lot of feedback from our director level about unmanageable workloads. We understand the development schedule is accelerated and are doing what we can to take some of the burden off all teams.
-We are actively looking to fill the open headcount on our dev team and encourage all of you to refer your qualified friends and colleagues. Our recruiter is working with Gabrielle to scout qualified graduates ready to jump into Project Raven.
-Gabrielle is also graciously taking on a lot more dev responsibility in light of the recent open headcount. Please see her with any questions regarding syncing, storage or asset ingestion going forward.
-There is catered lunch today from Baguette and Tag It Bakery. There will be no vegan option. Vegans, please save your receipts and HR will reimburse you for up to $20 of lunch expenses.
Thanks,
Scooter Reston
CEO
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From: Scooter Reston, CEO <[email protected]>
To: All Team <[email protected]>
Subject: RE: RE: RE: Status
Date: June 14, 2016
Team,
Two or three things to reach out and touch upon:
-With the departure of Anand and Stephanie we are down to the minimum number of devs required to finish this project and currently have no recruiter on staff to help rectify the problem.
-Gabrielle has finished the foundation of our syncing architecture and is currently testing her latest series of changes. Please give her the support required to finalize this part of the project before asking her to undertake any further tasks.
-Marketing is completing the first draft of our press release and that should be available for all teams to edit by EOD. Please review this when you have a second.
-Our UI is beginning to come together with mockups slated to drop by EOD Thursday. As always, feedback is welcome. Remember, our mobile platform is key to our success with Project Raven so focus on those designs first.
-Lunch today will be catered by Thaiphoon. All items include fish sauce. Vegans, save your receipts.
Thanks,
Scooter Reston
CEO
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From: Scooter Reston, CEO <[email protected]>
To: All Team <[email protected]>
Subject: Status
Date: June 26, 2016
Hi All,
I just wanted to connect with you and reach out to touch on a few items to cover:
I know things are very stressful and a lot of pressure is on all teams. Currently we are working on an offsite event to relax and recharge the group. Please stand by for further details. I want to thank you very much for all your continued efforts.
Also,
-We have made an offer to a candidate to fill our open recruiter rec. Should they accept, we will be able to move quickly and fill all downstream headcount by the end of the month. Thank you for your patience.
-In light of Barry’s mother’s untimely passing, we’ve handed off some of our UI design work to Gabrielle. Accordingly, our mockups are delayed. We’ll update you with the designs as soon as we have them.
-Taco the Wok is providing Mexican/Chinese fusion today. The refried beans have lard, the black beans are vegan. Special dessert treats from If You Got It, Flan It.
Thanks,
Scooter Reston
CEO
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From: Scooter Reston, CEO <[email protected]>
To: All Team <[email protected]>
Subject: Status
Date: June 30, 2016
Team,
Thanks again for your tireless efforts. Status to follow:
-Gabrielle has completed the requested adjustments to our mobile UI and the interface is looking much better. We should begin hooking up the backend today if we want to reach this month’s goal.
-Due to an equipment malfunction, Phở Real will not be able to provide lunch today. Please save your receipts.
-We are pleased to announce that, although we’ll be unable to give the company 4th of July off due to our production schedule, we can have a working-offsite that day. Please meet us at Bourbon, Bourbout for an open bar starting at 2:00pm. If you have to work on a holiday, at least you can do it with booze!
Thanks,
Scooter Reston
CEO
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From: Scooter Reston, CEO <[email protected]>
To: All Team <[email protected]>
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Status
Date: July 5, 2016
-Gabrielle has finished hooking the backend and syncing architecture up to the UI and is beginning end-to-end testing of Project Raven. Please partner with her to ensure she can complete this testing before we seed the product to the public. Also, give her a special shout-out as she is only 20 and therefore couldn’t join us for our drink-and-code holiday. She remained in office that day ironing out issues identified in our last build and prepping our investor presentation.
-Our marketing team is currently overwhelmed with requests for comment on the critical issues in Project Seagull identified by Wired Magazine. As such they are not able to start the process for drafting copy and FAQs for Project Raven. Anyone with tech writing experience is encouraged to reach out to Rajeet, Jamica and Seth to see where they can be of assistance.
-Please work with your direct report managers if you have approved vacation time and you are willing to reschedule to a time after Project Raven’s scheduled ship date. Flexibility, in most cases, will be rewarded with an extension to your requested time.
-Lunch is catered by Burger She Wrote. The chickpea patty sandwiches are cheese-free.
Thanks,
Scooter Reston
CEO
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From: Scooter Reston, CEO <[email protected]>
To: All Team <[email protected]>
Subject: Status
Date: July 20, 2016
The pressure is on but I know we can do it guys! One we get Project Raven out the door it will be a great relief to everyone and a true time to celebrate. If we all pull together as a team we can do this. Remember: no man is an island and it’s going to take every single one of us to get this done! Teamwork makes the dream work!
Few things reach cover touch address items status:
-Gabrielle has completed the second draft of our copy for the website as well as a proposed set of preliminary FAQs. I know we’re all busy with our own projects but please take a moment to review her changes so we can ship Project Raven with the highest quality possible.
-Reminder that July 31st is Gabrielle’s last day so please sign the card in Nancy’s office. That afternoon we’ll have cake and present her with a $25 Chili’s gift card. Please make sure to attend the staff meeting if possible.
-Lunch today is catered by Naan-Essential. All item(s) that do not include chicken are vegan-friendly.
Thanks,
Scooter Reston
CEO
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From: Scooter Reston, CEO <[email protected]>
To: All Team <[email protected]>
Subject: Success!
Date: August 1, 2016
We did it! Congratulations to everyone who worked on Project Raven! We met all of our goals and are shipping a complete, tight product. I’m so proud and privileged to be working with a team as committed and as talented as you all are. We couldn’t have done it without the collective effort of every single employee!
Thanks to everyone and have a Happy August – you’ve earned it.
Scooter Reston
CEO
Louis is a Chicago-trained writer and comedian with beautiful hair, a pretty good face, and an abundance of modesty. With 10 years in technology and 15 in writing and producing comedy, his work can be read on www.cagematch.org, www.mcsweeneys.net, and numerous dismayed Facebook users’ walls (before being hastily deleted). He currently lives with his similarly gay boyfriend in the dystopian hellscape of Silicon Valley.
- “In Fairness, I Just Recently Learned What a ‘Woman’ Is”, by Travis Kalanick CEO of Uber - March 29, 2017
- Leaked: Donald Trump’s Meeting With His Business Advisory Council - February 9, 2017
- Prep-Meeting For The Meetings On-Boarding Meeting: Meeting Minutes - January 26, 2017
LOL, I love reading these because it makes me feel better about some of the emails that I might get from the boss.
What a typical email chain in a company. Maybe that email should have been a meeting instead of the other way around like it usually is.
Scooter’s an asshole but at the end of the day a solid operator. Taco the Wok is da bomb.